DISARMING ANGER & BITTERNESS

Photo cred: S. Strong

There’s a huge storage shed in our compound in the village. Its purpose is to store things. Over the years it has accumulated its share of junk, which of course, was added to the junk that was already in there. But we don’t open it up very often.

Because it’s scary. There. I said it.

Every time I crack open those doors, I imagine the sub-Saharan heat wave and get the sense that something is in there waiting for me. A snake. A monitor lizard. A grass cutter. Mice. Or, as was the case on this day, a fresh nest of wasps. I could hear them as soon as I opened the door. They were presumably just hanging out in their own little realm behind those doors, but then the light and the fresh air came in and they immediately sprang into action. And they were mad.

Anger is like that, I think – not anger in wasps, but anger in us. Some circumstance fires up our temper and we find ourselves getting angrier and angrier, and often, our level of anger reaches a disproportionate level. We might even question ourselves in the moment, should I really be THIS mad about this, but most of the time it’s too late. The fuse has been lit.

That circumstance – whatever it was – was like opening the doors of that big, dusty shed in the village. The aroma and the stubborness and the noise come in, and the anger fires up. Thing is, though, I didn’t let the wasps in the shed by opening the door – the nest was already there. To them, I was intruding, they just needed something to set them off. Likewise, if we find ourselves getting angry, chances are the anger was already in our hearts-dormant, un-dealt with. The circumstance was just the thing that got us going.

So, what’s the nest of our anger? What might be at the root? Here are the things that come to mind:

1. Fear

Everyone is familiar with the “fight or flight” syndrome – that when we become afraid, most of the time we either run or become violent. Fear wears so many disguises; sometimes as a need to be somewhere else or doing something else. While an impulse to run or become violent may be present, we often don’t have the ability in the moment to recognize it’s happening. When that’s true, then one of the ways we can effectively deal with our anger is by recognizing what it is that is scaring us, and then bringing the promises of God to mind:

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise— in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? (Psalm 56:3-4).

2. Insecurity

Another of those nests in our hearts is our insecurity. Although we hate to admit it, there is still a small child down deep inside of us. Every once in a while something happens that wakes that part of us up. We feel left out; disregarded; othered; disrespected; neglected; rejected. And rather than looking at past hurts and insecurity, we get angry. But if we can identify the source as personal insecurity, then we can hear God’s Word:

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For who you were died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:1-3).

3. Self-absorption

If we look deeper – beyond the circumstances – we might also find the true reason we get angry is because we feel like our rights have been violated, or our dignity disrespected. We should be treated better. We deserve more. Our anger stems from a deep held sense of entitlement that, when crossed, make us really, really mad. In other words, our anger is a reflection of our commitment to ourselves. And here, again, is an opportunity for us to grow, because every moment of anger precipitated by our own self-absorbed behavior is an opportunity to reaffirm what it means to follow God and be more Christ-like:

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it” (Luke 9:23-24).

Remember that anger can often be expressed inwardly. Learning how to cope with anger caused by depression is as much a benefit to those who may be on the receiving end of an anger attack as it is to ourselves.

Anger is real, and the choices are ours. If the offense has happened, it is also our choice to forgive and surrender that what happened was for a greater good. Taming anger isn’t a sign of being weak, but rather in showing strength over the enemy who wants to take us off God’s path for our purpose. We have a choice and a chance to look deeper at ourselves and the issue. Do you have anger triggers? I'd like to hear your thoughts or see some of your wildest angry memes below.